Nobody is ill alone -
Health in relationships

An education which holds strict to tradition and reject new things is forcing the children into extreme behaviour – since they are confronted daily with new things in school, kindergarten or city. This is how every unified family conception disregards the interests of the individual. The real foundation and with it the solution of ADD and ADHD is ‘how’ parents educate their children. But this is still not enough appreciated for the development of the future.

ADD and ADHD is a psychological disorder which begins in the early childhood. Its symptoms are spontaneous activity of short time, frequent change of activities and unexpected problems of concentration. About four to eight percent of the children in Germany are suffering from ADD/ADHD.

To understand disorders like ADD/ADHD it is important to understand the family system and to find out which role the disease has in the family. How are the relationships inside the family? How do individuals communicate which each other? Which conceptions do they have of each other?

The systematic-sociological approach is based on how human beings communicate with each other and how they then come into problems during that communication. The later appearances are then physical or psychological problems. In a systematic-sociological coaching the client is not the child, the mother or the father, but the interpersonal, communicative relationships between the family members. Psychological disorders are disorders of interpersonal relationships and not disorders in the soul of the individual. Nobody is ill alone.

In the twentieth century we lived mostly with a single conception of community and the absence of choice. Nowadays we live in multicultural communities with so many different conceptions, expectations and views that every attempt to create a definite method of education causes conflict and crisis.

An education which insists on old standards and rejection of everything new will cause the children into extreme behaviour – since they are every day confronted with the new in school, kindergarten or city.
This is how the particular conception of the ‘family of the 21th century’ will ignore the interests of the individual and pushes him towards justification.
Every common morality and every absence of choice will ignore the interests and the free orientation of the other and causes stress and pressure.
A not controllable overactive behaviour of the children points out to parents who want to
have everything under control and want to plan every interaction with each other in every single detail. Generally children with ADD/ADHD reveal a hesitating and strict behaviour of parents who sanction every deviation from rules. Problems are just not allowed.

The older generation is still educated after the conception that the education problems of the parents are caused by the education problems of the children. Everything which goes wrong was the problem of the child and not the failure of the parents. This conception continued until today. Parents who stand with the back to the wall and do not know further can exercise a lot of power and cause psychological disorders like ADD/ADHD.
But upbringing should also be relationship building. This includes to provide the children with conditions of flourishing and also to provide them with space to escape!

A long-term solution to ADD/ADHD problems is therefore only possible if the different imaginations and conceptions of a family will be revealed. Family systems equal a Mobile. We change something at one point and at another point something will be moved.

But the first task on the way to the solution is to free parents from self-imposed guilt. They see themselves as guilty of destroying a human life. This is how a mother is destined by a situation in which she lost her son in the dunes and found him back only after one hour. She must still cry today when she speaks of the situation in which the son must felt like the mother nowadays.

By the way: Since 2003, ADD/ADHD is also acknowledged in an adult year. Victims in adult life express different disorders, like depression, fear, loss of self-worth and social phobia. Women express increasingly eating disorders, like bulimia and anorexia as a side effect of ADD/ADHD.

This is similar to the parents-child-relationship. Only the actors changed. It is now the husband or life partner who hold strict to traditional conceptions and reject everything new to have the authority of control.